Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “If we believe our survival hinges on our relationships, it will be exceedingly hard to set boundaries in those relationships.” –Nedra Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace Anxious attachment patterns stem from experiences of physical and/or emotional abandonment during our formative years when our survival literally DID hinge on our relationships (with caregivers). This is why anxious attachment is characterized by poor boundaries –...
12 days ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.” –Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication Few people continue a “bad habit” because they don’t clearly see it’s problematic. More often, they’re not aware of WHY they do it or how to address the underlying issue. Are you fully conscious of a detrimental behavior – whether in relationships or with money, food, work,...
19 days ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “you. not wanting me. was the beginning of me wanting myself. thank you. –– the hurt” –Nayyirah Waheed, salt. I try not to peddle bright sides and silver linings, but pain is a great motivator; rejection asks you to pick a side. Each time an outer relationship fails, it draws our attention inward. Arguably, all things contain a doorway back to ourselves. I can’t think of a single relationship that hasn’t taught me about me… that...
26 days ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “There’s no responsibility without awareness.” –Frank G. Anderson, Transcending Trauma My mechanic told me he had a no-call no-show today and I said, “It’s easy to take that personally, like someone’s being rude or disrespectful to you… but usually they’re just sleepwalking, completely unawares.” Diagnosing my squeaky tensioner pulley, his phone rings and it’s that client apologizing for having just woken up. As I had prophesied, she...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Healing’s true victories rarely look like triumph; they look like ordinary life finally becoming bearable.” –Tamara, Stop Performing Healing The Wellness Industrial Complex paints a lotta pretty pictures of what healing should look like. And if you’re not out here “living your best life” and “manifesting” or “transforming” something or other, you might get the impression you’re doing it wrong. Not necessarily true. I believe the...
about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “It is not until we love that we learn who we are.” –Thomas Merton The quality of our partner-picking depends on the quality of our self-awareness. But, ironically enough, we discover ourselves most profoundly in intimate relationships (increasing the odds of outgrowing who we picked). This catch-22 makes romance a helluva gamble. Not many people swoon a first date by saying, “This could end in crippling heartbreak, but I need a...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “When we trade passion for stability, are we not merely swapping one fantasy for another?” –Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity This whole book is poetic paradox. “Fire needs air…. Love seeks closeness, but desire needs distance…. It is the space between them that allows them to imagine no space at all.” “Seeking excitement in the same relationship in which we establish permanence is a tall order…. In your attempt to control the risks...
about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “We speak of ‘falling’ in love. I think it is the only way to get there. None of us would go freely if we knew ahead of time what love is going to ask of us.” –Richard Rohr, Falling Upward He ain’t lyin! 😅 Romantic love feels like nature’s way of enticing us to breed – basically evolutionary clickbait, haha. But I’m not here to poo poo the exciting, magical, euphoric experience of falling in love. Nawww, that stuff is amazing!...
2 months ago • 1 min read
Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Every human has a true authentic self – trauma is the disconnection from it and healing is the reconnection to it.” –Gabor Maté Damn, that sums it up perfectly. 👌🏼 Internal Family SystemsTherapy (IFS) uses capital-s “Self” to refer to this true authentic core of inherent goodness in us all. It cannot be damaged, only obscured or disconnected. But it’s always there, characterized by the 8 C’s and the 5 P’s: •Curiosity •Calm...
2 months ago • 1 min read