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Adam Murauskas

Relationship Coach at FixYourPicker.com

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Cover of Jonice Webb's book Running On Empty
Featured Post

What Are YOUR Relationship-Crushing Emotional Coping Mechanisms? 🌪

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Traumatic emotional neglect occurs when a child does not have a single caretaker to whom she can turn in times of need or danger.” –Pete Walker, Complex PTSD I ask my clients, “As a kid, who did you talk to when you were upset?” A majority of them report crying it out alone, self-soothing, being punished for having feelings, or some version of having no one. Trauma isn’t simply a painful experience – it’s the overwhelming sense of...

2 days ago • 1 min read
Image of the featured Goethe quote

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” –Goethe As social creatures, humans naturally devote considerable time, energy, and focus to what OTHERS expect from us. This is especially true during our formative years and even more so for those also navigating relational trauma. Hypervigilance, walking on eggshells, codependency, people-pleasing, anxious attachment, even perfectionism (and so much more) are all ways to...

9 days ago • 1 min read
Cover of Marshall Rosenberg's book Nonviolent Communication

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Relationships are emotional bonds. They’re about the innate need for safe emotional connection.” –Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight Let’s say you’re in a relationship that checks all the boxes – friendship, attraction, sex, adventure, compatibility, finances, values, etc. Maybe you’ve built a big, beautiful, abundant life together and you shoouulld be happy and grateful and have nothing to complain about. HOWEVER… if you don’t have safe...

16 days ago • 1 min read
Cover of Esther Perel's book The State of Affairs

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Sometimes, when we seek the gaze of another, it isn’t our partner we are turning away from, but the person we have become. We are not looking for another lover so much as another version of ourselves.” –Esther Perel, The State of Affairs Esther is talking about infidelity here, but the principle applies broadly and is relevant to dating… A new relationship offers a blank canvas where you can paint a fresh, new, flattering, hopeful...

23 days ago • 1 min read
Cover of Liz Gilbert's book All The Way To The River

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Codependency makes you into an unhealed wound looking for someone to land on.” –Elizabeth Gilbert, All The Way To The River Yikes on bikes! That line is so brutal but also, unfortunately, so very accurate. Approximately 17 people recommended I read this book as soon as it came out. Then someone literally bought it for me. I feel seen… and slightly accosted. I’ve always loved Lizzie G, but she came out on an Oprah thing waving her...

30 days ago • 1 min read
Cover of Michelle Mays' book The Betrayal Bind

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Our number one survival tool is our ability to bond with others. We are wired with an instinctual drive that motivates us to seek relational connection and from that relational connection to experience a sense of safety, security, and protection from danger.” –Michelle Mays, The Betrayal Bind Type 1 diabetes feels like life has been trying to murder me every day since I was eight. There’s a chronic, lonely, visceral powerlessness...

about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Cover of David Richo's book How to Be an Adult in Relationships

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “If I can find someone now to give me what was missing in childhood, I don’t have to grieve not getting it back then.” –David Richo, How To Be An Adult In Relationships Practically no one wants to grieve the emotional losses of childhood – the bad that happened, the good that didn’t, the family or experiences they never got to have. Most folks don’t explicitly know they’re avoiding this process, what exactly needs to be grieved, or...

about 1 month ago • 1 min read
Cover Kahlil Gibran's book, The Prophet

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Stand together, and yet not too near together. For even the pillars of the temple must stand apart; and the oak tree and the cypress will not grow in each other’s shadow.” –Khalil Gibran, The Prophet One of my oldest wounds feels like being unwanted, unimportant, disliked, a burden, disappointment, not good enough, in the way, taking up too much space, etc. So when someone takes a liking to me, it feels like an actual miracle to the...

about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Cover of Nedra Tawwab's book Set Boundaries, Find Peace

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “If we believe our survival hinges on our relationships, it will be exceedingly hard to set boundaries in those relationships.” –Nedra Tawwab, Set Boundaries, Find Peace Anxious attachment patterns stem from experiences of physical and/or emotional abandonment during our formative years when our survival literally DID hinge on our relationships (with caregivers). This is why anxious attachment is characterized by poor boundaries –...

about 2 months ago • 1 min read
Cover of Marshall Rosenberg's book Nonviolent Communication

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “NVC self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret.” –Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication Few people continue a “bad habit” because they don’t clearly see it’s problematic. More often, they’re not aware of WHY they do it or how to address the underlying issue. Are you fully conscious of a detrimental behavior – whether in relationships or with money, food, work,...

2 months ago • 1 min read