Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”

–Goethe

As social creatures, humans naturally devote considerable time, energy, and focus to what OTHERS expect from us. This is especially true during our formative years and even more so for those also navigating relational trauma.

Hypervigilance, walking on eggshells, codependency, people-pleasing, anxious attachment, even perfectionism (and so much more) are all ways to prioritize what we gotta do or be for other people.

Much of how our society lives has very little to do with knowing, trusting, and honoring our self (ie, authenticity). So long as we’re disconnected from ourselves, our lives and relationships will be performative crapshoots at best.

And as I’ve written before, you can’t “perform” intimacy.

It’s certainly cliché to declare that your relationship with others will never be deeper or healthier than your relationship with yourself. But I’ll be damned if that inconvenient truth doesn’t just keep reasserting itself.

•Attachment, Authenticity, Trauma, Addiction, Recovery
​•When Attachment Matters More Than Authenticity
​•The Most Diabolical Thing About Self-Abandonment​

What are you doing to really connect with what’s real, true, and alive inside of you? Therapy, journaling, meditation, art? What people, places, things, or practices help you to be truly present with yourself – your feelings, thoughts, wants, needs, and experiences?

What things prevent you from connecting with your self?

I bet making those two lists would be a great place to start.

Love,

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