Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“You are the light, not the scattering roaches.”

–Me talking to a client 😅

As kids, many of us learn that being who we are is NOT OK. How we look, act, talk, feel, express ourselves – all of it seems to disappoint, annoy, frustrate, or upset the people we want (need) to love us.

So we learn how to “behave.” How to be “good.” How to “act right.” How to be likable, lovable, acceptable, or whatever-able (just threw up in my mouth a little). We learn that sharing our actual self with the world is like farting at the dinner table – YA JUST DON’T DO IT!

I suspect this belief is so widespread it creates a collective illusion where the inmates run the asylum and authentic, vulnerable relating becomes actually terrifying.

As we embark on this long, arduous journey home to ourselves (what every healing effort must ultimately entail), it’s difficult not to take people’s reactions to our emerging authenticity as “evidence” that we are once again “doing it wrong.”

What we need (what we’ve always needed) is someone who can finally see us. Accurately. Compassionately. Through the eyes of love. And then confidently declare, “You ARE ok. You make sense. You are not bad or wrong or broken. You have simply been unseen and misunderstood for wayyy too f••king long.”

This often begins with a therapist, teacher, coach, or mentor (yes, we need a nonzero amount of external validation). However, it’s important that YOU eventually become the one who sees you clearly.

That changes approximately everything in your life.

If I could wish anything for you in 2026, it is that.

Lots of love,

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