profile

Adam Murauskas

The Gnarliest Definition of Codependency... 🤢

Published 30 days ago • 1 min read

Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“Codependency makes you into an unhealed wound looking for someone to land on.”

–Elizabeth Gilbert, All The Way To The River​

Yikes on bikes! That line is so brutal but also, unfortunately, so very accurate.

Approximately 17 people recommended I read this book as soon as it came out. Then someone literally bought it for me. I feel seen… and slightly accosted.

I’ve always loved Lizzie G, but she came out on an Oprah thing waving her 12-step flag pretty hard, and frankly, it gave me the ick. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in those rooms (of recovery) since I was 3 years old and I’m better for it. But I’m acutely aware of the triggers, limitations, and biases therein.

Nonetheless, this book has been amazing so far.

The grizzliest memoir of codependency I’ve ever encountered is I'm Glad My Mom Died – remarkably entertaining, although I recall wishing there was more healing and recovery talk in there (still five stars in my book).

There are innumerable patterns, behaviors, and varieties of codependency (making it difficult for folks to identify), but at the core, it’s generally a me-problem that compulsively seeks you-solutions.

A chronic itch that desperately needs other people to scratch it. Forever.

Change begins with awareness, my friends.

•Codependency Is Exhausting
​•Codependency and Boundaries
​•Codependent No More​

Tell me something more codependent than recommending books about codependency, haha. I’ll wait…

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

If an amazing friend forwarded you this email, you can subscribe here.
If YOU are an amazing friend, go on and forward this thang.

Adam Murauskas

Relationship Coach at FixYourPicker.com

Help me help you. Sign up to receive free relationship coaching content.

Read more from Adam Murauskas
Cover of Jonice Webb's book Running On Empty

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Traumatic emotional neglect occurs when a child does not have a single caretaker to whom she can turn in times of need or danger.” –Pete Walker, Complex PTSD I ask my clients, “As a kid, who did you talk to when you were upset?” A majority of them report crying it out alone, self-soothing, being punished for having feelings, or some version of having no one. Trauma isn’t simply a painful experience – it’s the overwhelming sense of...

2 days ago • 1 min read
Image of the featured Goethe quote

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.” –Goethe As social creatures, humans naturally devote considerable time, energy, and focus to what OTHERS expect from us. This is especially true during our formative years and even more so for those also navigating relational trauma. Hypervigilance, walking on eggshells, codependency, people-pleasing, anxious attachment, even perfectionism (and so much more) are all ways to...

9 days ago • 1 min read
Cover of Marshall Rosenberg's book Nonviolent Communication

Notes From a Relationship Coach(Big ideas in a small email) “Relationships are emotional bonds. They’re about the innate need for safe emotional connection.” –Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight Let’s say you’re in a relationship that checks all the boxes – friendship, attraction, sex, adventure, compatibility, finances, values, etc. Maybe you’ve built a big, beautiful, abundant life together and you shoouulld be happy and grateful and have nothing to complain about. HOWEVER… if you don’t have safe...

16 days ago • 1 min read