Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“Vows and promises aren’t the fuel relationships run on. Relationships are sustained by the pleasure of emotional intimacy.”

–Lindsay C. Gibson, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents​

I had a profound realization this week...

You can successfully perform a whole lotta jobs and roles and relationships by checking all the right boxes and hitting the key performance indicators. What does a good employee do? A good Christian? A good parent, friend, or neighbor? Discover the success metrics and follow the formula. Boom.

Intimacy is the one thing in life that cannot be “performed.”

There is no formula, no algorithm, no standardized inputs and outputs. Just raw, unpredictable, messy, human connection.

It requires you to know yourself deeply and to reveal that whole Self to another person without alteration, pretense, or insurance policy. It is fundamentally different from anything one might strive for in life.

This is why some people are wildly successful at basically everything EXCEPT intimate relationships – which is both baffling and intensely disappointing for folks who were hoping performance and achievement would keep them safe forever.

And candidly, it’s hard to convince someone to trade in their “winning at everything” for a dice-roll on love and a clean shot at heartbreak. But it’s worth trying.

If this struck a chord, these are for you:

•When Relationships Don’t Feel Safe
​•The Protective Self​

Sending all my love to those of you who learned to go without,

P.S. If you’re someone who occasionally thinks, “Wow, this newsletter is f’ing amazing,” do me a favor and go tell someone to subscribe at FixYourPicker.com/newsletter. I literally just wanna help more people. Thanks!

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

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