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Adam Murauskas

Will Your Love Plug The Holes In My Childhood? 🧸

Published about 1 month ago • 1 min read

Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“If I can find someone now to give me what was missing in childhood, I don’t have to grieve not getting it back then.”

–David Richo, How To Be An Adult In Relationships

Practically no one wants to grieve the emotional losses of childhood – the bad that happened, the good that didn’t, the family or experiences they never got to have. Most folks don’t explicitly know they’re avoiding this process, what exactly needs to be grieved, or how.

But the signs are there: fear, shame, depression, perfectionism, codependency, addiction, etc.

Folks will say “I’m a workaholic” or “I have anxiety” like characteristics they were born with – facts to be accepted rather than adaptations or coping mechanisms (trailheads to healing).

And even those who are well-aware of their adverse childhood experiences often figure, what’s done is done, can’t change the past, no sense crying now, wasn’t that bad, my parents loved me, other people had it so much worse…

The most common strategies for “getting on with life” (without metabolizing your pain) are:

•Learn to perform healthy / successful adult
•Acquire trappings of healthy / successful adult
•Find a partner to plug holes in your childhood
•Intellectually “understand” your trauma

If you are someone who has found longterm satisfaction with these strategies, PLEASE TELL ME HOW YOU DID IT. If I can sell an alternative to actually healing, I’ll be a billionaire in no time.

•The Easy Alternative to Healing
​•Alternatives To Being Human
​•The Tao of Fully Feeling
​•Childhood Inventory

Cheers,

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

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Adam Murauskas

Relationship Coach at FixYourPicker.com

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