Notes From a Relationship Coach
(Big ideas in a small email)

“We speak of ‘falling’ in love. I think it is the only way to get there. None of us would go freely if we knew ahead of time what love is going to ask of us.”

–Richard Rohr, Falling Upward

He ain’t lyin! 😅

Romantic love feels like nature’s way of enticing us to breed – basically evolutionary clickbait, haha. But I’m not here to poo poo the exciting, magical, euphoric experience of falling in love. Nawww, that stuff is amazing! Cherish every delicious morsel.

However… when that fairytale draws you close to another, ya got two options:

Build a whole relationship on the idea of that person – potential, expectation, projection, delusion, fantasy, hope, etc.
Really get to know them deeply, authentically, and intimately so you can reach consensus in your head, heart, gut, and loins about whether or not you wanna spend your life together.

The former is easy, fun, sexy, convenient, photogenic, and doomed to fail; the latter is difficult, scary, arduous, unglamorous, and produces better longterm viability. It’s like my man Anthony De Mello said…

“Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality.”

Or M. Scott Peck, if you prefer…

“Emotional sickness is avoiding reality at any cost. Emotional health is facing reality at any cost.”

In other words, love that lasts beyond romance must be rooted in a mutual commitment to reality, which is actually wayyy more difficult than it sounds when you look at all the trauma, shame, dissociation, addiction, codependency, coping mechanisms, etc. that stand between us and our ability to simple BE with what is.

If you can’t tolerate reality, the only love relationships you’ll be able to manage are fake ones.

So yes, true love will ask you to heal your wounds and come home to your Self and reality – the only place where authentic relating and sustainable intimacy can exist.

And that’s quite a hefty ask, indeed.

You up for the challenge?