Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“If you’ve waited a year for your partner to change, you’re almost magically drawn into waiting another year.”

–Mira Kirshenbaum, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay​

Can confirm. ☝🏼

But there’s nothing magical about it, actually.

Our primary attachment figure is, obviously, someone we have grown attached to (like it or not). That person is copilot aboard the “Getting My Needs Met” airplane you are flying at 40,000 feet. And even if they’re doing a terrible job, telling your copilot to pack a parachute and go somewhere is often just scary enough to make “do nothing” sound like a better option.

But as Cheryl Strayed once wrote: “So long as you stay in a relationship that isn’t meeting your needs, you’re in a relationship that isn’t meeting your needs.”

What hit me hardest about Kirshenbaum’s book, however, was this idea of “relational ambivalence.” She basically says that every day you’re not sure if you should stay or go, you’re reinforcing the belief that you don’t know what’s best for you. And that slowly destroys self-trust. Which kinda immobilizes you.

Woof.

Now, I’m not advocating for indiscriminate “Just leave his ass!” But if your relationship as currently constituted is NOT what you want it to be – year after year – I most certainly am suggesting you do something.

•Buy Kirshenbaum’s book.
•Read Waiting for Someone to Give You Something They Don’t Have.
​•Book a free consult with your favorite relationship coach.

Anything is better than “maybe this will change if I just wait longer.” Tolerating something you don’t like is kinda the definition of not improving it.

Settle for more,

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

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