Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“Love takes off the masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.”

–James Baldwin, The Fire Next Time​

Have you ever thought you really knew and loved somebody, then one day discovered they kinda suck? You may have assumed that how they showed up in one particular set of circumstances is how they would always be.

And that’s not true at all.

When we get to know someone, there is always a certain context – work, gym, out with friends, whatev. Then dating provides curated, metered doses of interaction – dates, texting, virtual contact (especially long-distance). And you might even have years of data to suggest you’ve found a great partner.

But how will that person react when things change?

•Illness, injury, stress, aging
•Cohabitating, marriage
•Children, pets
•Moving, traveling
•Failure, success, loss

Most people are pretty fantastic when stuff is going their way. But when life swerves outside the lines (as it does), you may meet your partner’s wounded inner children for the first time. And those basement-dwellers can really mangle a relationship.

Now, you can’t really know or predict everything about someone before you lock into a committed relationship (wouldn’t that be nice). But if you know in advance that you’re looking at them through a keyhole (one particular lens or context), you’ve got a better chance of:

1. Intentionally getting to know them under different conditions
2. Not being blindsided by who they become when the chips are down

And anything worth knowing about your partner is, of course, worth knowing about yourself.

Who do YOU turn into when the going gets tough?

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

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