Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“Every healthy relationship starts with two people who have healthy relationships with themselves. Any toxic relationship is the result of at least one person’s toxic relationship with themselves.”

–Mark Manson

I don’t love labeling people, relationships, or behaviors “toxic.” But to avoid discourse on emotional McCarthyism, I thumbed through a dictionary and read “very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way.”

And if that’s the definition of toxic, I’m gonna let this quote slide because it contains a truth I’ve been shouting from my soapbox for years:

There is no such thing as “relationship problems” – only personal problems that we project onto our partners.

The low-hanging cognitive distortion is “This wasn’t an issue when I was single; it’s problematic in this relationship; therefore it must either be my partner’s fault or a so-called relationship problem.”

Easy enough mistakes to make.

But you can only mash your face into that wall or scream “All the good one’s are taken!” so many times before you get curious (or desperate) enough to pop the hood and take a look at what’s driving that struggle-bus.

You don’t need to know anything about cars until yours breaks down. Then you might find out what an alternator does. I believe the same is true of relationships – when it doesn’t work how you expected, you for sure have some learning to do.

And your relationship with yourself is a good place to start.

•The Journey of Self Awareness
​•Self-Love: Easier Said Than Done
​•Self-Care vs Self-Love​

Good luck!

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