Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“It is not until we love that we learn who we are.”

–Thomas Merton

The quality of our partner-picking depends on the quality of our self-awareness. But, ironically enough, we discover ourselves most profoundly in intimate relationships (increasing the odds of outgrowing who we picked). This catch-22 makes romance a helluva gamble.

Not many people swoon a first date by saying, “This could end in crippling heartbreak, but I need a dance partner to move closer to the truth of who I am… wanna ride til the wheels fall off?”

But that’s exactly what time it is.

Deep down, we know the risk. I suspect only the intoxication of new love can convince us to spin the chamber, hold someone up to our heart, and pull the trigger with such reckless abandon.

I have to believe it’s all worth it. The only relationships I regret are the ones I didn’t have. But every time I let the dice fly, I get to strip down to my soul and take that puppy for a ride (and I’m pretty sure that’s what my soul came here to do).

There may not be any clean way to do this – ya definitely gotta break some eggs to make an omelette. But if I was gonna wrap this up with some practical guidelines, I’d say:

1. Love someone deeply
2. Let it hurt sometimes
3. Make self-awareness a priority

Because the other thing we do most profoundly in intimate relationships is self-abandon. And that’s a lose/lose situation that leaves everyone lonely. But when you make love a practice of self-discovery, there’s no such thing as a failed relationship.

Happy Friday, y’all.

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