Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“When marriages fail, it is not increasing conflict that is the cause. It is decreasing affection and emotional responsiveness.”

–Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight​

The whole ass point of an intimate partnership is satisfying the innate need for safe, reliable, emotional connection and comfort.

It’s easy to get caught up in finances, parenting, time-management, various grievances, fears, and differences. Then maybe play “Who’s Right?” (a losing game if ever there was one). And next thing you know, the relationship becomes a logistical management team where bids for emotional connection no longer feel worth the risk.

Yiiiiick.

It’s as tragic as it is common.

If you wanna “work on your relationship,” I suggest you increase emotional safety.

Is it “not ok” for you to have feelings, opinions, wants, needs, boundaries? Are you judged, criticized, or shamed for sharing certain parts of yourself? Does your partner burst into flames or disappear if you ever mention a certain thing?

Pete Walker shares a Human Bill of Rights (free download) in his book Complex PTSD. If any of these fundamental human rights are “not allowed” or are somehow unsafe in your relationship (or friendship or family), now you know what specific things you can work on to make that relationship not suck.

Clarity is power,

P.S. My email service just renewed this week (kit.com). I pay $590 a year to send you free stuff every week. If you can throw a buck in the collection plate to offset that cost, I’d be super duper grateful. Thank you kindly. 🙏🏼❤️☺️

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

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