Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“The secret to a happy relationship is two happy people.”

–Naval Ravikant

If you don’t have peace, joy, contentment, and love in your heart while single, how will you bring those into a relationship? You cannot transmit something you do not have.

And if you’re waiting for somebody to “make you feel that way,” that could be…

1. A lonngggg-ass wait
2. A disempowering path to chronic disappointment

Now, to be clear, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with wanting a partner. Love and belonging are irreducible human needs. But if you think a good relationship with someone else is gonna fix a bad relationship with yourself – that’s a problem.

Repeated studies have found a close correlation between good relationships and high subjective wellbeing and between bad relationships and misery. But the direction of causality is opposite what most people assume.

It’s not that good relationships cause happiness (so I have to go “find a good one”), but more so that happiness causes good relationships.

People wanna “work on their relationship” – as if I’m here and “my relationship” is this other, separate thing over there that needs to be improved.

THERE IS NO RELATIONSHIP OVER THERE.

It’s just you and another person. And you can’t change them or do their work for them. Which simplifies your choices quite nicely, actually. Actively participate in your own healing, growth, and development. Or don’t.

Your call,

P.S. Have you explored the 40728953 free resources on my site yet? Go on getcha sum.

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