Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“Love alone is never enough to sustain a relationship.”

–Mira Kirshenbaum, Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay​

Kind of embarrassing to admit, but I can love damn near anyone. Weird flex, I know. I suspect it has something to do with the unyielding rejection and alienation from the people I most wanted to love me during my formative years. Whatever natural human instinct says “I want you to like me” is just a beat dog, cowering in the corner of my psyche.

Dang, that got dark fast, haha…

My point is, the idea of trying to “earn” love or convince someone to like me is absolutely repulsive. I simply focus on loving others (what’s in my control) and let them self-select in or out of my life. When I sense someone doesn’t like me or want me around, I’m like, “Cool, say less.” ✌🏼

(this is not advice, btw, just modeling vulnerable self-reflection)

HOWEVER… as folks form two camps – those who wanna be in my life and those who don’t – it’s clear that the “in crowd” doesn’t necessarily deserve automatic VIP all-access passes to my life just because we have love for one another.

Mutual love is but one of MANY factors that determine the possibility of a healthy relationship. It often feels like enough because it satisfies such a deep human need. But I have learned the hard way that love is not “all you need.”

I also realize that when someone loves me, it feels like I kinda owe them something? I know I’m not alone in this. I can’t tell you how many clients have told me “When a man gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring, you’re just supposed to say YES.”

1) Ewe. 2) I can relate.

Last year I taught a “What F’s Up Relationships?” course, and I’d like to share a few slides I put together around COMPATIBILITY, which is a good place to start once you begin giving and receiving love with someone and wanna know if the relationship has legs.

•The Importance of Compatibility
​•Compatibility Venn Diagrams
​•Red vs Green Flags​

This was a live course, so I can’t sell you a replay. But these resources are just too good to keep to myself.

Enjoy!

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