Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“All real living is meeting.”

–Martin Buber, I and Thou​

Intimacy is rooted in authenticity and freedom – two people willingly giving of themselves from mutual desire and genuine interest. The moment we begin to act from obligation, fear, shame, or ulterior motives, connection turns into performance. And something magical is lost.

But wait… I’m doing the same things I was doing when we fell in love. Isn’t this the formula?

No.

There is no recipe, math equation, or checklist.

Being intimate means being connected to yourself, your partner, and the circumstances – all of which are constantly changing. If you do not respond appropriately to the present reality both in and around you, that is what we call “misattuned.

And misattunement creates dissonance and disconnection, likewise, both in and around you.

The flowers, favors, touches, and traditions that once expressed love may still express love today. Or they may have quietly become habits, duties, or attempts to recreate a moment that has already passed.

Intimacy has no formula because it requires you to meet the person standing in front of you now, as the person you are now, in the relationship that exists now – true presence. Which is a helluva lot harder than it sounds, actually.

This is why a weekly check-in (free download) can be super helpful.

Or a “walkie talkie” (go for a walk with your partner and talk about what’s alive for you in this moment). Stare into each other’s eyes or literally just hold one another. Whatever you gotta do to reconnect with reality… to set aside your ideas and expectations of the other and meet the living, present moment.

Because that is where all true connection lives.

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

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