Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“Anything less than nurturing.”

–Pia Mellody’s definition of childhood abuse​

Many people had to convince themselves “It wasn’t that bad” or “Things could be worse” in order to make the best of a rough childhood. Or perhaps they were told “Don’t rock that boat, you’re lucky to be in it.”

I work with a lot of folks with absolutely horrific childhood histories, and about 100% of them question whether or not they even experienced trauma, abuse, or neglect of any kind.

Whether a self-imposed or inherited coping mechanism, this is where many of us learn to “No Big Deal” ourselves into tolerating, accepting, or volunteering for stuff we don’t actually want or enjoy.

Not the food you ordered? “No big deal. It’s fine. I’m easy. Don’t worry about it.”

Obviously, not everything needs to be a whole production… but a default attitude of “No Big Deal” can accidentally turn into death by a thousand paper-cuts, a life you never chose, or a long ass marriage that kinda sucks most of the time.

Do you talk yourself into OR out of things using the NBD method?

Take a moment to reflect on that. And next time you’re about to internally or externally NBD yourself into your second, third, or seventeenth best option, I double-dog-dare you to stop and say, “No, that’s actually not what I want.”

The rest of that conversation will take care of itself.

You just gotta take the first step.

*This email contains Amazon affiliate links to the books mentioned.

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