Notes From a Relationship Coach
​(Big ideas in a small email)

“Gamble everything for love if you are a true human being. If not, leave this gathering. Half-heartedness does not reach into majesty.”

–Rumi, The Essential Rumi​

When you buy a puppy or a kitten, you know with almost absolute certainty that one day you’ll watch it die and IT WILL CRUSH YOU. But people do it anyway.

Because love is worth it.

All relationships are more or less this type of gamble.

You can attempt to mitigate risk by having less relationships, controlling them, or avoiding them altogether; you might be super discerning with who you let in and extra mindful about how you connect.

But the inherent uncertainty is actually part and parcel of what makes love, LOVE.

Reminds me of a punchy Liz Gilbert quote: “You are afraid of surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety.” lol.

Trying to make love perfect, permanent, or predictable is potentially the best way to destroy it. Which is paradoxical, counterintuitive, and downright annoying… but apparently true.

And many people are technically “in a relationship” but not all the way in. They maintain just enough friction, distance, or turmoil to support a subconscious “It’s not failure if I never really try.”

But like Rumi said, half-assed relationships won’t be magical (loosely translated).

…

If you knew up front that the love of your life would one day die or leave, would you go for it anyway?

Those who value certainty more than they value love often end up with neither. Which is tragic because relational trauma and attachment injuries are usually what made them that way in the first place.

But healing is possible, y’all. If you’re interested.

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