Notes From a Relationship Coach
(Big ideas in a small email)

“Spiritual partners bond with an understanding that they are together because it is appropriate for their souls to grow together. They recognize that their growth may take them to the end of their days… or it may take them to six months.”

–Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul

I believe there are three possible relational dynamics:

The relationship will not work unless you be exactly yourself
The relationship will not work unless you grow
The relationship will not work unless you shrink

Relationships typically begin as type 1 – meeting someone as they are, falling in love, wanting to be together all the time, adoring each other, etc. They often evolve into type 2 as you discover you need to work on boundaries, communication, or whatever’s required to keep it afloat.

Maybe it vacillates between 1 and 2 forever (probably an ideal situation). But at some point, you may find yourself in a type 3 dynamic where either growth or authenticity jeopardizes the connection and you have to become smaller for it to work.

It could look like people-pleasing, codependency, compromise, or any number of “no big deal” kinda things, but a true type 3 situation is an absolutely soul-withering experience. And you serve literally no one by staying in that arrangement.

ONE HUNDRED PERCENT OF RELATIONSHIPS END.

As such, the most meaningful metric of “success” is ending on time. This is true for friends, family, work, romance – everyone. I challenge you to take stock of your present relationships. You can do it mentally, but it’s not that hard to jot down names of folks closest to you and score them 1, 2, or 3.

•Who loves and accepts all of who you are?
•Who inspires you to grow into a fuller you?
•Who keeps you small, stuck, or trapped?

Once you get clarity on that, you may wanna make some changes.

•Three Types of Boundaries
•How To Know If Someone Can Change
•Waiting for Someone to Give You Something They Don’t Have

Don’t forget what your soul came here to do,